That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
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