Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
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