I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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