Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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