Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
How drunk are you?
Completed.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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