well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
