Princesses don't give blow jobs
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
