Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
