Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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