we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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