I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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