Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
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