I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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