Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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