i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
