Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
You may now shotgun with the bride
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
