I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
