I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
