true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
