Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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