So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
