he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
