Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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