its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
