Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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