My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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