she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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