Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
