I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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