so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
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