I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Swine flu. Run for my life!
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
