i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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