I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
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Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
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Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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