I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
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so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
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All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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