Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
