What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
