I accidentally burped into my bong.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
