weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
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