How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
