16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
can u get pink eye on your cock?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
