one might say we're banned from that church
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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