I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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