i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
