Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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