Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
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