I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
