I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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