24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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