So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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