i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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