I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Randomize
