i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
