Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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