Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
