the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
