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Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
