im six kinds of drunk right now
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Randomize
