there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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