Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
sex in a hospital.. check
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
