He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
My underwear smells like fireworks.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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