I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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