her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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