ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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