just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
